Playing with Heartache

Parasite
By: Uriah "The CivILLian" Walters

Black inkstains have drenched the pulmonary part of him.
The beating part of him that had to be forcefed its ability to pump enough plasma to keep his anatomy charged, as it had considered refusing to work any longer.
It claimed to have grown tired.
It claimed to have worked by the sweat of its brow for years and was now in too much pain to circulate in that life long familiar musical metronome sound that its host had grown accustomed to.
Why?
Because no one seemed to cherish in full sentiment its warming willingness to be presented as the greatest gift that could be given from within the depths of that which composed a shapely pedastal for it to be rested upon 'til the day it set out to bless some lucky soul with its interwoven jolting figure, too ecstatic in the palms of its receiver to ever operate correctly at its proper rate.
It chokes and flutters constantly, imbued in a blush that brings aches and fevers to the subject, causing reactionary stress-pulsed regurgitations that held the contents too sacred to have been welcomed upon by foreign eyes.
An unwelcome experience it is, like being under the rays of spotlights with more solar power than this Earth's sun could afford in an otherwise blackened room that appeared to have darkness birthed of Melanin and Midnights' love sessions, to engulf and conceal the souls that pitied what pathetic entity tried to grace the stage, with John Cusack's Boombox and a handful of withering flowery love poems, praying this last result formula would work.
Wishing there was a potion to feed the delusion and get it strong enough to replace the reality check constantly given to him on the same silver platter he served his shattered self on.

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My take on a very popular subject that we probably all encounter from time to time if at least not once, unrequited love. Harboring feelings for someone who does not return them mutually seems so common. What’s interesting is the toll it takes on the admirer. I read somewhere that a person experiencing unrequited love undergoes the same emotional torment that a person would go through in the break-up of a relationship they really cherished. Do you think that’s wild on any types of levels? Psychologically to me, that sounds somewhat short of obsession, which is weird socially but, hey, I need not knock anyone’s feelings.

What are the solutions to such “afflictions”? It’s safe to assume based on experience of the torment that having unreturned feelings for someone is not at all favorable. It’s just torture and pain with no solution if you and whomever you admire can’t seem to see eye-to-eye on your “beliefs”. When seeking council, one would be quick to hear that it’s best to let it go, or, counter your unwanted low self-esteem for more positive yet real-life kinds of thoughts, as it would help further ease the pain of knowing you can’t have what you want (who you want). And of course, there’s always that “fish in the sea” type of analogy, where you’re told that you’ll find someone better and who will appreciate you for you (and will actually acknowledge your existence). All three of those points can, will, and have been used to council people who just broke up. What does that suggest? I think society and culture inadvertently encourages unrequited love on all levels to be within our grasp realistically, and should we fail to obtain mutual consent from the beloved, we are to feel miserable. You have all these love stories in films that all essentially have the same plot: Boy meets Girl, Boy attempts to win over Girl, A series of events, Boy somehow disappoints Girl, then Boy wins Girl. It’s an interesting fairy tale plot told too many times. Every plot is in need of a happy ending, fueling the American Dream, but I digress.

I bring up those points to help state that I believe our take on this subject is indeed a bit flawed, but perhaps that’s just me. The girl who I suffered/suffer for, I’ve known for quite a pile of years. She is actually one of my closest friends whom I do love and appreciate greatly. She knows of how I feel, and she feels for me, so oddly in our closeness I found myself recently talking to her (my friend) about my feelings for her (my crush). It was like a surreal conversation, but it was definitely needed. I asked her to tell me so that I could stop wondering, what were her exact thoughts and feelings about me. It helps to know, because I don’t want to lose a friend, and that way I know where to meet her mutually. Perhaps that’s just my own method of “letting things go” in which case I’d be contributing to the very problem I said our culture/society has with this subject, but perhaps not. Okay, I’m writing in circles, lol.

This “self-torture” method of unrequited love is what grabs my interest most. One of those days I was completely bummed-down about her and in my haste, I ended up writing that piece up there that I used to open up this article with. After I finished, I was completely vented and back to my normal self. I went back to read it and was completely surprised by what I came up with. A nerve was stricken and I pulled a vibe from it. Perhaps out of the selfishness of a poet, I liked the end result to the point I congratulated such “afflictions”. To take a genuine feeling and utilize it in such a way that I want to do it again. Sounds almost like I’m abusing my power of being able to write my emotions down. But if anything comes out of it for an artist, perhaps it was made to live on.

One suggestion I heard on unrequited love is that you don’t ever tell the person of your feelings if you don’t plan on winning them over, or lack the confidence or appeal to “woo” the beloved into your arms because, though they deliver what seems to be depression should the admirer get rejected, they also have the power to bring euphoria (the kind of stuff socially unacceptable) to the person who knows what to do with said euphoria. I’m not saying turn into a crazy person, but don’t torment yourself. Take usage of such a longing in a way that beautifies and humanizes you back into the reality it pulled you from.

But I dunno, perhaps this is just a personal blog post meant for me and my writing habits I’ve grown to on certain extremes. All I can say is, I find myself vouching for Unrequited Love, as it makes for good poetry. :)

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"Notice, how the ugliest thoughts bring out the artist. Cathartic"